Blameless
by Darktales
Summary: A BUABS tag. Sam wasn't the only one who felt guilty about what had happened to his brother. Dean muses on his brother's possession.


**Only warning is a language warning. No Wincest. No Violence. Just a little jaunt in Dean's head after 'Born under a Bad sign'. Please let me know what you think. **

**Blameless**

**The Story**

Dean Winchester lay on his back and stared up at the dark, shadow kissed ceiling. He let out a heavy sigh and tried not to think about the dull throbbing ache in his shoulder or how his jaw ached with every breath.

But it was hard.

However what was even harder was dealing with the emotional fallout from the past week.

First Sam had been missing, and then possessed.

'Sam' killed someone. A fellow hunter, nonetheless.

He attacked both Jo and Dean – shot Dean. _And boy did that ever hurt like a bitch._

Then went after Bobby…

And that had been his, or actually her, big mistake.

The demon 'Meg' hadn't counted on Bobby's failsafe – holy water in the beer. Sometimes paranoia paid off, though to be quite honest, there was no such thing in a hunting universe. Anything less than hyper-vigilance got you killed.

Or course things went to hell after that until finally they were able to free Sam. Damn the bitch for branding herself inside his little brother. Treating his Sammy like a piece of meat… A literal meat suit.

And now?

Now Sam was consumed with a guilt that should not be his to carry because, truth be told the kid had merely been pawn.

An instrument used to hurt Dean.

Sighing again, Dean closed his eyes and forced his fists to unclench as he stretched out on the bed. Meg had been coming after him and had used Sam to do it.

She _knew_ one brother was the other's weakness; they would die or kill for each other. _And_ if she had been able to convince Dean to kill Sam – to save him from going 'darkside' – then she would have truly destroyed Dean. Killed him more effectively than any bullet ever would.

Unfortunately Sam didn't see it this way. He felt he should have been able to fight Meg off in some way. But like with what happened with Ellicott in that accursed Asylum, the young hunter had been powerless; a mere spectator, at times, but nothing else.

When Dean thought about it hard enough he realized that his brother never blamed him for anything. Well nothing except always being Daddy's 'little soldier'. But when it came to Dean's role in the predicaments they often founds themselves in, Sam held his brother blameless.

And it was starting to piss Dean off. He was not perfect. Fuck. Neither of them were.

Sam should be furious with him. Meg only possessed him to get to Dean.

For a whole week, she had been in total control of Sam's body and God only knew what had happened, other than the obvious murder. Dean had seen bruises, and what looked like cigarette burns, on Sam's lower torso and hips when the younger hunter had come out of the shower.

When Dean questioned him about them, Sam had looked down, blushed and then disappeared back inside the bathroom. Whether he had not noticed them before, or didn't realize the towel he was clasping around his waist didn't cover them, Dean didn't know and in true Winchester fashion, he never pressed when Sam came back out. This time fully dressed.

So now it was up to Dean's furtive imagination to detail the injuries and his stomach clenched nauseously as he suddenly realized that just maybe he really didn't want to know. Maybe it was good that Sam wasn't aware of what was happening most of the time.

The sound of his brother shifting on the bed alerted Dean to Sam's impending distress. Wonderful. On top of everything else, it would appear Meg gave much new fodder for nightmares –

_Would there truly ever be an end to all this?_

_Would they ever find their happily ever after?_

Dean wasn't so sure anymore and it was scaring the living crap out of him.

Things were just so much easier before…

_Before when?_

Well… Dean scrunched up his face and raised a hand to rub at a growing ache in his forehead… before their father had died.

Before their mother died.

_So now they were demon screwed and monster fucked… _

Could things get any worse?

Dean immediately chastised himself that thought. Sure it could – and he knew exactly how. His little emotionally impulsive brother could take it into his own head to end things. To make things _easier_ on Dean. As if that ever would…

But Sam had asked Dean to kill him if things got out of control… if _Sam_ got out of control. And while Dean had hated the position it put it him, he realized that in putting his life in Dean's hands, Sam was choosing life. They both knew that Sam had less faith in himself than Dean did – just as Sam had more faith in Dean than Dean did –

And maybe that was how it was supposed to be…

As long as they had more faith in each other's strengths, they wouldn't be so afraid of their own weaknesses. As long as they continued to hold one another blameless, they could continue to fight together.

One on one, they were nothing. That had been proven time and time again. But together, as one, nothing – not even a crusty faced yellowed eyed demon – could bring them down, and –

And Dean had no idea about anything anymore. His head was hurting, his shoulder was hurting, his face was hurting. But his brother was still alive and with him. And even more importantly still Sam was still _Sam_.

So what the fuck… bring it on.

And in the meantime he needed another painkiller and then he'd go wake Sam up before his nightmare got to bad, because, bottom line, that is what they did for each other…

The End


End file.
